


Four people Jim Kirk married and divorced, and two he stayed married to

by Inzey



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Funny, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-07
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-05 00:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inzey/pseuds/Inzey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four people Jim Kirk married and divorced, and two he stayed married to</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four people Jim Kirk married and divorced, and two he stayed married to

**1\. Uhura**

He keeps on apologizing to her the whole way to the temple, and even keeps up a quiet, but constant litany during the ceremony. He would have continued, if the natives hadn't gagged him. Whether it was some kind of ritual, or just because he kept talking during the ceremony, he doesn't know. Uhura wasn't gagged, so he had a feeling it was mostly done to keep him quiet.  
When they get shut in their quarters he doesn't take a moment to appreciate the very lovely décor. Instead he quickly removes the gag and keeps on apologizing. How was he to know that one wrong letter changed his greeting from "we come in peace" to "I wish to marry my companion"?

 

**2\. Sulu and Chekov**

He wakes up in a queen size bed, head pounding and eyes hurting in the bright sunlight peeking through the heavy curtains. He gingerly sits up, and promptly falls out of bed when he sees Sulu and Chekov sleeping snugly together.  
As he falls to the floor he lets out a yelp, which in turn causes the two other men to jump up. Jim is somewhat relieved to see that they are both wearing underwear. He then checks if he himself is dressed, before letting out a not-scream at the golden wedding band on his finger. Said not-scream is echoed by his two husbands, upon their discovery of their own rings.  
He jumps up and escapes to the bathroom, where he unsuccessfully tries to drown his hangover in the shower. He emerges from the bathroom in a bathrobe, finds his clothes escapes back to the bathroom. It's not that he is shy, he tells himself. The fact is that he didn't want to distract his husbands from gazing soulfully into each others eyes.   
He exits the bathroom and has to cough three times to get their attention. He apologizes for marrying them and tells them that he will go down and get himself a divorce as soon as possible. But, he adds, that doesn't mean that they have to get one too.

 

**3\. Bones**

Jim knows that shore leave was bad for him. Just look at the last one, where he ended up marrying Sulu and Chekov. So when he woke up, reached a hand up to rub his chin and felt a cold band on his hand, he did the most sensible thing he could. He fainted.  
He awoke to Bones shaking him. He blinked his eyes blearily and wondered how he was going to explain this. Luckily for him, it turned out he didn't need to explain it.  
"Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not your goddamn wife, no matter what this license says!" Bones swore, waving a sheet of paper in his face. Kirk's eyes widened and he sat up. He regretted it almost instantly, as the motion made his nauseous. He closed his eyes and crossed his fingers, willing it all to be a dream.  
A sharp sting of pain followed and his nausea receded. He hoped that meant Bones had given him a hangover cure, and not some unpleasant and unneeded shot, just to make him feel even worse. He mumbled a quiet thanks anyway.  
"Now come on, we have to get a divorce. And don't try to con me out of my half of our things. And don't even think about trying for joint custody of the ship. I'm a doctor, not some goddamn weekend captain!"

 

**4\. Scotty**

"Let's never speak of this again," Jim told Scotty outside the courthouse on Delta Tigeris II. If anybody had asked him about the previous night, he would have been hard pressed to come up with an answer. From what he remembered most of it was embarrassing and involved less-than-legal substances. He had come away from that experience with two conclusions. One: He and Scotty were not allowed to drink just the two of them. Two: Nothing good was supposed to be that shade of blue.  
"Agreed."

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------

**1\. Spock**

Jim woke up in a tangle of arms and legs that were just a bit below too-hot. He allowed his hand to travel lightly up one shapely thigh, letting it come to rest on the naked hip of his first officer. His fingers started drawing random patterns on the Vulcan's hip and lost himself in the memories of the previous day and subsequent night.  
Suddenly he found himself flipped onto his back and strong hands holding him down. The silvery thread in his head that was Spock pulsed with lustneedcontentment and Jim grinned up at him. He squirmed slightly and felt Spock unconsciously thrust back against him.   
"So husband, was married sex better that not-married sex?" The growl he got in reply was answer enough for him, and he reached up with a hand, pulling the Vulcan's head down, making their lips meet.

 

**2\. Wait and see**

There is nobody in the room with Jim as he hangs up a framed sheet of paper. Perhaps that is for the best. Bones would have called him a fool and Spock would have said that he was illogical, as usual.   
Nevertheless Jim can do nothing but beam, and maybe wish for Scotty to see this. He takes a step back and takes an admiring look at his second marriage license. A marriage license which states that Jim Kirk is married to the finest lady in the universe, a lady named The Enterprise.

**Author's Note:**

> Just something I came up with while squeeing over the movie.


End file.
